I know that I am not alone

I know that I am not alone

I has a really rough 24 hours I took the comp predictor for one of the last three tests to past nursing school I needed a 74.7% and got a 64% talk about feeling absolutely crushed.

On that same day I ended up with two nursing job opportunity and instead of being feeling excited I was filled with a bunch of what ifs and dread that I am not good enough.

I spoke to a dear friend of mine who told me to stop feeling sorry for myself and to remember who the fuck I am.

Guess what this test does not define me.

This does not prove if I will be a good nurse or not because I know with out a doubt I was made to be a nurse.

Tomorrow I will accept a position a nurse, ironically the reason I am here today is because of my beautiful baby boy I lost almost 14 years ago!!

I wrote this 6 years ago. I cant believe it has been almost 8 years since i lost my baby boy!! This was the speech i gave at his funeral I love and miss you michael lance and there is not a day that goes by when i dont thinknof you!

I went into preterm labor october 7, 2008 and lost my baby I wanted to share this with u all and i wish you the best of luck!!! this is what i read at the funeral on friday I am really not that great at putting these kinds of things together and I apologize for meeting some of you this way, that’s not how I wanted to meet you.

I do appreciate you coming today it means a lot to me and bobby. You know we take life for granted we go through everyday not realizing how precisions life is.

I remember how shocked everyone was when they found out I was pregnant. there were a lot of different emotions from everyone even myself.

I was scared and shocked but me and bobby decided to bring this child into the world and give him the best life we possibly could.

I had my ups and downs in the pregnancy but I was excited I couldn’t wait till February 7, 2009 to hold my baby for the first time. Then the only thing that never crossed my mind happened on October 7,2008 I am might lose my baby boy.

Saturday I was looking at baby shower receptions and now today I am empty with no baby kicking me anymore, no one to talk to anymore and nothing to look forward to on feb 7, 2009.

I Remember right before I gave birth that it hit me my baby was dead. to describe the pain, the utter despair I felt then. I had always told myself that bad things happen to good people and someday I would be put to the test. I guess I didn’t really believe it though, because I was so surprised.

It had never occurred to me that I might lose this baby.

‘I love you so much my precious boy! I can’t wait to meet you someday! I am so sorry this happened!’ So where do we go from here?

I find it difficult to explain what I am going through.

Grief, for me, comes in waves.

It appears unexpectedly and sweeps through my soul. There are times when I have a smile on my face, I may say that I am fine, I may even convince myself that it is true, but just around the corner lurks another wave of sadness.

I am tossed like the ocean – pounding waves and crashing surf, yet only a few miles below the surface the deep waters are still and calm. Beneath the turmoil I have peace.

It is what the Bible calls ‘a peace that passes understanding.

‘ It doesn’t make any human sense to feel that peace right now – but I do. I know that everything will be okay. I know that I am not alone and this will make me and bobby stronger as a couple.

Michael Lance was so loved and it shows by all you people being here each and every one of you have touched me and bobby’s life in one way or another and for that you have another guardian angel looking down on you.

Just remember that next time you’re running late to take a step back and think that there is a good reason for it maybe if u were 2 mins earlier something could have happened to you. And that person that is rude to you pray from them that they find compassion.

Those days that are bad just remember you have a little angel Michael lance schramm-carlson looking down on you. And always remember the quote “Love is always patient and kind; it is never jealous, love is never boastful or conceited; it is never rude or selfish; it does not take offense, and is not resentful.

Love takes no pleasure in other people’s sins but delights in the truth; it is always ready to excuse, to trust, to hope, and to endure whatever comes.

Love does not come to an end.

” We all love you Michael lance please rest in peace and look down on me and daddy and don’t forget to give your grandmas, grandpas, your aunts and uncles a kiss every night! please watch down on everyone here today and greet us when we one day meet you in heaven. I long for the day I can hold you in my arms.

Sleep tight my angel! Again thank you everyone for coming today you will always be in my prayers and I love each and everyone one of you thank you!

An angel wrote in the Book of Life My baby’s date of birth Then whispered as she closed the book ‘Too beautiful for Earth’ Here I am 5 days away and no one will take my

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