My twin flame and I are apart again !!
3 years of running and chasing and pain and hurt,
narcissistic/empathic roles, his addiction…
my need to change and fix things because we simply “belong” our stories that brought us together, our “mission”.
I have tried moving on, I can’t seem to just go back to who I was before.
After feeling like I finally wasn’t alone in this world, it’s all ripped apart again !!
Love was never enough.
No trust, no consistency, never being on the same page,
highs were high lows were low.
Bringing the absolute WORST in each other. I couldn’t take it anymore.
But the separation always feels like part of me is gone.
Will I ever be able to love again I wonder.
Will I just be alone forever because no one will ever be so right for me.
But yet so wrong.
Fire and gasoline.
It seems this was too toxic, and it always feels like I question it all and my life’s journey,
was it real?
or maybe it was all for a bigger picture somewhere down the line that I cannot see yet.
Some days I’m distracted and I’m okay.
Other days I am alone in thoughts and feel like I’m waiting on my life to start again.
I hate My twin flame.
And I love him.
I hate him for the terrible abuse I was given.
And I hate him for the best love I was given.
I love him because despite the monster he could be I accepted it all and was willing to work
on all our issues and never give up.
He taught me how to love passionately, without any reservations.
All or nothing.
But I lose myself in his demons.
I lose myself in his voids.
I become smaller and smaller when I’m with him, and he feels he is always the victim.
So much pain and hurt from the past.
The journey has ended here I guess.
I know I’ve learned a lot about myself. About my heart, and my worth.
And I cannot save everyone from darkness.
Having Grace is greatest strength but also my greatest weakness,
I refuse to turn cold and bitter though.
I say all this to hope somewhere out there someone going through the same pain knows they are not alone.
And hopefully we shall see the silver lining soon.
11 : 11