A twin flame isn’t necessarily a romantic relationship or “the one” — but they will always change your life.
A twin flame isn’t necessarily a romantic soul mate or what someone might call “the one” — but they will always change your life, often from the very first time you cross paths.
Have you ever met somebody who completely changed the course of your life? It might have been your twin flame. You’re unsure exactly why, but the meeting feels destined. They might not be your usual type or anyone you expected to fall for. But you do fall and hard. If twin flame relationships could be summed up in one word, it would be “intense.” This is a person with whom you have such an intense connection, it feels nothing short of a catalyst of spiritual growth. But what, exactly, does the term “twin flame” mean? And, perhaps more importantly, how do you know when you’ve found yours?
“These high-level spiritual love connections do exist, but there’s a pretty serious misunderstanding of what that means,” says psychospiritual mentor and love coach Lisa Vallejos. Many people assume that a twin flame connection is the same thing as a romantic soul mate and use the terms interchangeably, but these are entirely different things.
For instance, have you ever had a platonic friendship that felt as profound as any soul-mate romance, perhaps leaving you with similar battle wounds and stories of epic adventure?
Or, perhaps you start a new job expecting to hate your coworkers but end up finding a mentor who feels like a parent figure that you’ve been missing. “It can even be a parent-child relationship; it’s definitely doesn’t have to be romantic,” Vallejos notes.
While they can be romantic relationships, these deep connections can also be completely platonic in nature. After all, sex isn’t everything, and twin flames are intense and life-changing relationships that can forever change who you are.
So, what is a twin flame?
Contrary to popular belief, the concept of twin flames is not the same as soul mates. Your twin flame doesn’t even have to be someone you fall in love with (although it often is). “This kind of high-level, soul-based connection isn’t about romance. It’s about spiritual growth,” says Vallejos. “You meet them and your life just completely changes.
You start seeing the world differently. It pushes you to want to engage with the divine, shift consciousness, and become a better, soulful being in this experience.” As mentioned above, a twin flame can be a romantic partner, a best friend, or a mentor.
This kind of relationship goes both ways, meaning it is not a one-way spiritual street. When you meet your twin flame, they will forever change your life and you will do the same thing for them.
According to intuitive energy healer Tasha Nassar, a twin flame relationship helps us unite the divine masculine and feminine within us all (we all contain masculine and feminine energies regardless of our gender), and to understand ourselves, from our biggest strengths to our innermost insecurities.
While such relationships are with another person, they are also meant to help us perform inner work and evolve our relationship with ourselves. Nassar tells Allure that when these energies come into union with one another, you become a higher version of your true self and realize a version of love different from other types of relationships, including self-love.
Have you ever met someone and it just felt…meant to be? Perhaps your friend sets you up on a blind date, and when you meet that person for the first time outside of the bar, you are hit with a surge of déjà vu.
Or, you’re at a party, making new friends, and the person next to you starts telling a childhood story so similar to your own experiences, it literally gives you goosebumps. You know, instantaneously, that this person is about to be an essential person in your life.
All of these could be twin flame relationships. Either way, you can tell that your energy types are similar and that this meeting is fated. You might even feel that you have psychic abilities and knew this meeting was meant to be.
“There’s a sense of homecoming,” explains Vallejos. “There’s a sense of merging energy where you can’t really tell where you start and they end.
” Additionally, she says that often your twin flame will have experienced similar childhood trauma. This doesn’t mean that your stories are precisely the same; you may have both experienced abandonment, violence, or neglect, but in very different ways. In fact, the differences in your trauma will help you both grow, understand, and process your own by learning from one another.
While a twin flame isn’t a soul split in two, as we are whole on our own, twin flames (and the synchronicity you experience as a pair) can act as a reflection.
Many people say that twin flames are people forged from the same soul but split in two.
While a twin flame isn’t as simple as one soul split down the middle, as we are whole on our own, twin flames do act as a reflection; not only is your unprocessed trauma reflected back at you, but so is past life or ancestral work. “It can be really intense.
That’s what being in a twin flame relationship is like, staring into a mirror all day,” says Vallejos. Sometimes, twin flames are called “mirror souls.” Vallejos calls the relationships “sacred spiritual love connections.”
Unlike life partners — what we consider to be soul-mate relationships or “the one” — twin flame relationships are intense and challenging relationships that force us to deal with our unresolved issues and, through trials, tribulations, and breakthroughs, become a bigger person.
Because of this intensity, it’s uncommon for twin flames to be a lifelong partnership.
Rather, they are people who enter your life for a period of time to help you grow and steer you on course. “It is common for those relationships to separate because they are very difficult to maintain,” explains Vallejos.
What happens if I break up with my twin flame? Will I ever recover?
To be very honest, you might break up with your twin flame, regardless of the split is romantic or platonic, and it will hurt. Because twin flame relationships are so intense, the breakup is usually just as hardcore.
You might go through a period of grieving, and during that time, it’s important to cry as much as you want and let all of the hurt out. You may even want to consider working with a therapist to help you navigate it.
But the silver lining is that even though it hurts, everything is going as planned.
“Most of the twin flames I know have not ended up with their twin flame but have ended up with a high-level soulmate. I don’t think twin flames are meant to be a lifetime relationship.
I believe they are meant to be that catalyst. It drives into wounds that we may be carrying from past lives or ancestral trauma, or even in this life,” explains Vallejos.
Think of your twin flame as a catalyst. It’s OK if the relationship ends, even if it’s quite painful due to the level of intensity. Your twin flame is not someone you should wait around for, as not everyone meets one in this lifetime.
Should you find them through fate or coincidence, don’t expect them to be your life partner, or to provide you with unconditional love; that is another type of relationship. Your twin flame may reemerge in your life, and you very well could be life-long friends. But when it comes to long-term commitments such as marriage, your soulmate is a whole different game.
Because twin flame relationships exist at such high levels of heat, romantically or even as friends, twin flames can get into a cycle of breaking up and getting back together.
Please, try not to do that. When it’s time, let them go. Recycling the pain in the form of an on-and-off relationship will only make the separation more difficult.
It might feel (or might have felt) like a cosmic spark when you meet your twin flame. They may bring up some of the most challenging lessons you’ll learn and will forever change the course of your life — and you’ll do the same for them. The relationship will set you on the right path and will help you confront and heal unresolved wounds. Think of your twin flame as a spark, a crucial one, and someone you will always remember.
However, it’s not only all right but totally normal if the relationship doesn’t last forever.
Breakups are powerful times of transformation. When you’re ready, a post-twin-flame-breakup is an ideal time for a makeover, both spiritually and physically, so try a new hair color or a makeup look that previously intimidated you.
If you can survive a twin flame breakup, you are strong enough to play with pastels or finally learn how to read birth charts. And yes, you’re allowed to look up your twin flame’s birth chart too. If you’re not currently together, I highly recommending resisting the ever-present urge to slide into their DMs during the next Mercury retrograde.